Seize The Day Oh I get it, birthing those babies wasn’t enough. Now we have to endure hormonal chaos while they go through their teen years. Who says God has no sense of humour. Menopause. Girl. it’s the change of life not the END of life. Seize the day and whip it into submission. It’s YOUR TURN!
You're Hot Then Cold You’re hot---then cold. You’re fresh as a flower, then---not so much! You're in control---then you can’t remember that the thing you’re sitting on is a chair…not a---you know---thing. Menopause…get some sleeveless tops, and get on board for the ride. It’s not like you have a choice.
Feeling Homicidal My doctor says to me, do you feel suicidal? I said, hell no, I feel homicidal so be very careful what you say next. A nail file could be a weapon of choice. Keep the number of a 50 something female lawyer with you at all times and hope for the best. This too shall pass, but not necessarily without collateral damage.
Core Meltdown Don’t you hate it when the memory goes? Hey, what about that core meltdown? If one more person mentions that I’m glistening there’s going to be footage on the 6 o’clock news. Two choices: take prisoners or relax and know that cosmic humour is at work. Otherwise women wouldn’t have menopause and teenagers at the same time.
Lived Through The Hardest Part You’ve raised the kids and likely a husband, too. You can bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan. Hell, you bought the pan, the stove and the house it’s sitting in! Honey, menopause is nothing but a heat wave. Take a breath, get a fan, grab some chocolate and smile. You’ve already lived through the hardest part of your life and this AIN’T it!
Remedies Black cohosh, Q-10, evening primrose oil, calcium, soy, flax oil, phyto-estrogens, H.R.T. P.A.I.N., H.E.A.T I give up. Who do you have to call for a break in this menopause cycle from hell? I’m thinking chocolate, sleeveless shirts, and a promise of revenge. Nobody but nobody fools with the menopausal woman honey.
You Aren't Crazy Hello my friend. I’m here to tell you that: You aren’t crazy Yes, it IS that hot in here…for YOU anyway And you will remember your phone number, just not right away It’s menopause…don’t fight it, that won’t help. Chocolate will though. Besides, who has the energy.
Menopause Stinks You know what gal---call it a power surge or an estrogen storm the result is the same. You are melting down, crabby and ya can’t remember nouns. Menopause stinks. On the other hand—it’s a great excuse to take no prisoners.
Blow Sky High Ever notice that all those things you could at least tolerate before now make you crazy. Nobody can drive. Nobody can use a washing machine but you. No one can take a phone message and don’t even get me started on the state of the bathroom at the end of the day. So go ahead and blow…sky high. It’s a great release. Menopause means never having to say you’re sorry. Cool, eh?
Take No Prisoners I understand you’ve been feeling a little warm lately. And maybe just a teensy bit anxious, even testy. In fact, you wouldn’t even CONSIDER taking prisoners at this point. Yep, that’s Menopause. IT will pass, but not for awhile…okay for years! So relax, and know that, at some point, you’ll never remember that it even happened. Or so I’m told anyway.
